What do Shamwow and Daoism have in common?

So many things have happened! Some fiscal some not. One of the non-fiscal items on my menu today is perhaps the biggest news ever in life. But we shall get to that later. First off I must say that we have a new president. That's right folks. I was very confused as I watched the inauguration because I saw Mr. Obama and that very bland man holding their hands up and I could not help and think: "When are they going to high five?" They never did "high five" and to be honest I was disappointed. But my good friend soon explained to me that he was "oathin' it up." I felt quite silly then and I made a nervous laugh.

But on to why you're here: your fiscal situation. WaMu is a scam. Wells Fargo is better. Your best bet is keeping money under your mattress. If you live in the woods like I do (I'm a proud Daoist!) you are often running from forest fires or wolves or wild jackals and you forget to get your money. My life savings has been lost 17 times this way. But you know what, it really is worth it. When you see the hungry look in that jackal's eyes, you can't help but think: "Wow. I could be looking into the dead and cold eyes of a WaMu employee. This jackal is my ol' college room-mate compared to them!" Even though the neighborhood kids think I'm an ol' Boo Radley, I tell them that their lemonade stands are not going to get them anywhere fiscally, so I take (or rather seize!) the lemonade and I drink it all!

Ah, yes! The most important news ever in life:

The Shamwow guy is getting married. O.M.G.

I was watching Leno and this card named Jimmy Fallon (He did a movie with Latifah)

said that Mr. Terrence L. Shamwow is getting married.

This is fiscally inappropriate. The Shamwow business is booming now... but really?

He cannot fiscally support his wife.

No. No. No.

I am appalled.

I'm just here to help you with your fiscal situation.